| Divorce and child custody battles in California is | | | | position and credibility with the court. An evaluator |
| not easy. There are many pitfalls awaiting parties | | | | will likely make negative assumptions about you if |
| that have not educated themselves about the | | | | you cannot comply with a court's order to |
| process. People often make bad decisions under | | | | cooperate. |
| stress, or without the guidance of an experienced | | | | 6. Settle without analyzing your case: Divorce can |
| lawyer or legal consultant. Don't be one of them. | | | | be unpleasant and emotionally painful. One reaction |
| Divorce law isn't rocket science, but it isn't always | | | | is to try to get it over quickly. Do not give into |
| intuitive. Avoid the following 10 divorce pitfalls to | | | | the urge to be done with the case before you |
| get a better result. | | | | have a full understanding of the assets and what |
| During your divorce, you should NOT: | | | | a fair distribution looks like. You don't want to be |
| 1. Lie to your lawyer: We are here to help you. | | | | in a position where you are contemplating |
| Your communication with us is privileged, meaning | | | | settlement and your spouse knows more about |
| we can't tell others about it, except in certain child | | | | the assets than you. Prepare and go over a |
| abuse scenarios. The more we know, the more | | | | proposed distribution of assets and liabilities with |
| we can help. We need to know everything, the | | | | your lawyer. Make sure you know the nature and |
| embarrassing, the ugly, and the secret. If you | | | | extent of the assets, and get additional discovery |
| have a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem, tell us. | | | | if you don't. Do not settle prematurely, before |
| You have two options: (1) Disclose and likely hear | | | | you know what is fair. |
| from your lawyer that your secret or problem is | | | | 7. Fail to try to resolve the case outside of court: |
| irrelevant to the court process, or (2) Fail to | | | | Don't settle early without analysis, but also don't |
| disclose and have your case hurt at trial because | | | | fail to try to settle. Good lawyers and reasonable |
| the other lawyer knows facts you haven't told | | | | people settle most divorce cases without a trial. |
| your lawyer. | | | | Many clients benefit from mediation, either |
| 2. Lie to the court: If you have a trial, the result is | | | | through the county courthouse or through a |
| directly affected by your credibility. Judges are | | | | private mediator. Our experience has been that |
| generally experts at determining who is telling the | | | | many very difficult settle in mediation with the |
| truth, and who is lying. Not only is lying to the | | | | guidance of a trained expert mediator. You should |
| court a crime, but your lawyer may have a duty | | | | always consult with your lawyer during the |
| to stop the proceeding and tell the court if he or | | | | process to make sure you are getting a fair |
| she knows you are misrepresenting facts! If you | | | | result. Settling also means you choose the |
| have areas of your case that are sensitive, work | | | | outcome rather than have a judge impose an |
| with your lawyer on what you are going to say, | | | | outcome on you. Parties that settle are generally |
| but don't misrepresent. | | | | happier long term, and have less ongoing conflict. |
| 3. Involve the kids in the process: If your case | | | | Even if the other side is unreasonable, you should |
| involves a custody or parenting time dispute, | | | | still make an offer to create a record of your |
| nothing will draw the wrath of the court faster | | | | position. |
| than involving your kids in the dispute. Don't talk | | | | 8. Take out your stress in unhealthy ways: This is |
| to them about the case. Don't use them as | | | | the wrong time to up the drinking or other |
| pawns in the battle against your spouse. Don't use | | | | unhealthy behavior. Expect stress from the |
| them as your therapist, or treat them as your | | | | conflict and plan for it. Take out your stress in |
| peers. Don't put your spouse down in front of the | | | | healthy ways, like at the gym, sports, or in talking |
| kids. You are not only harming your case, you are | | | | to friends or a counselor. Don't take it out on |
| harming your children. | | | | your children, or your body through unhealthy |
| 4. Hide or fail to produce documents: You have an | | | | behaviors. |
| absolute right to see your spouse's financial | | | | 9. Be economically irrational in negotiations: At |
| documents. Your spouse has an absolute right to | | | | some point in every case it costs more to |
| see your financial documents. I have seen many | | | | continue arguing than what is at stake. Approach |
| cases that could have been simple turn complex | | | | your case with a business like mind. Are you really |
| and expensive when someone decides to not | | | | winning if you spend $1000 on lawyers to argue |
| voluntarily produce records. The court can force | | | | over a $50 lamp? Some (bad) lawyers insist on |
| you to produce records, and order that you pay | | | | arguing about every point, without regard to cost. |
| your spouse's lawyer fees incurred in getting the | | | | Every issue is a new battle front. A request to |
| records. Good clients and good lawyers produce | | | | resolve one issue results in two more contested |
| documents quickly and voluntarily. I had a case | | | | issues. In our opinion, these lawyers don't serve |
| where we asked for some email records from | | | | their clients well. Pick your battles. If it costs |
| the other side. They did not produce them, and | | | | $1000 to argue over something you can replace |
| when we filed a motion to compel their | | | | at Target for $20, buy a new one, and focus on |
| production, they tried to tell the court that they | | | | what is really important. |
| had been destroyed. The stunt seriously impacted | | | | 10. Be your own lawyer if your case is contested |
| the opposing lawyer's credibility with the court. | | | | and your spouse is represented: Many judges |
| 5. Refuse to cooperate with a court appointed | | | | dislike unrepresented parties. Even experienced |
| expert: In divorce and custody cases, experts | | | | divorce lawyers hire experienced divorce lawyers |
| called "custody evaluators" are routinely appointed | | | | for an objective opinion. Many unrepresented |
| to gather information about a family and make a | | | | people who think they have a great case find out |
| recommendation regarding an appropriate | | | | otherwise after a judge rules against them |
| parenting plan. If one is appointed in your case, | | | | because they can't tell the judge everything they |
| cooperate. Be on time for appointments. Treat | | | | want to because of the rules of evidence. If you |
| the expert with appropriate respect. Ignoring the | | | | disagree over property or custody, and your |
| requests of the evaluator can seriously harm your | | | | spouse has a lawyer, seek representation. |