| Are you at risk for straying from your marriage? | | | | disappointed. Be honest, though-could you possibly |
| While most people worry about their partner have | | | | be a disappointment to your partner? |
| an affair, few people check out their own feelings | | | | - Do you take risks in the bedroom? It takes two |
| about monogamy, faithfulness, and intimacy. | | | | to make what are supposed to be intimate |
| Marriage isn't easy. We make a vow to keep our | | | | moments a yawn festival. When was the last |
| pants zipped, and this comes with incredible | | | | time you talked to your partner about what he or |
| challenges to our character. If we don't | | | | she might find exciting? |
| consciously think things through and communicate | | | | - Many people think that they are good listeners, |
| our feelings about these challenges to our partner, | | | | but are not. Check in with yourself and see if you |
| we can end up doing something that is not only | | | | check out when your spouse is talking to you. |
| destructive to our partner, but potentially to | | | | You get what you give. Experiment with paying |
| ourselves and another party. Whole families can | | | | passionate attention to what your spouse is |
| be affected by your rash decision. And while an | | | | saying to you. Even if it is critical, listen with an |
| affair can seem like a good way to test the | | | | open mind. There may be a grain of truth in your |
| waters and see if life could be better with a | | | | spouse's observation. Or, you may learn that |
| different partner, remember that relatively few | | | | there is a problem that needs to be resolved, one |
| adulterous relationships turn into successful | | | | that will improve your marriage and your life. |
| marriages. | | | | - How do you create intimacy? Do you share |
| So how do you know if you are someone that | | | | your thoughts, hopes, and dreams with your |
| could, potentially, have an affair? Consider some | | | | partner? Or do you take them all to someone |
| of the reasons people mention for straying from | | | | else? Better yet, ask your partner what he or |
| their marriage and see if you recognize yourself. | | | | she is thinking about lately. Learning about your |
| - Your spouse doesn't listen to you. | | | | partner's innermost thoughts may inspire you to |
| - You are bored in the bedroom. | | | | share yours, as well. |
| - You don't feel close to your partner. | | | | - Bad habits, you? Impossible. Yeah, right. Start |
| - You can't stand your partner's habits. | | | | picking up after yourself, filling the gas tank if |
| - You don't feel fulfilled; you don't see the point of | | | | you've used the car, and putting your banana peel |
| being married. | | | | down the garbage disposal instead of leaving it in |
| On some level, who cares that you feel this way? | | | | the sink. |
| "Marital bliss" is reached by some couples, but | | | | - Monogamy isn't pretty. If it were easy to be |
| never sustained very long. No one is capable of | | | | monogamous, there wouldn't be so much divorce. |
| sustaining a perfect union. So if you don't feel | | | | Instead of pretending that you are handling the |
| heard or find your partner irritating, that's normal. | | | | demands of monogamy so well, talk frankly about |
| That being said, you shouldn't suffer, either. But | | | | how difficult it is. Your partner may be relieved to |
| the way out of your suffering is probably not to | | | | have someone who understands the challenges of |
| have an affair. For most people, an affair is just a | | | | such a relationship. |
| symptom that you are avoiding something in your | | | | If you feel you have honestly tried all of these |
| own relationship. I'm not suggesting that you don't | | | | things but are still contemplating an affair so that |
| have a reason to have an affair. But instead of | | | | you can stay in denial about the reality of your |
| reacting to your situation by having an affair, | | | | marriage, remember that your actions have |
| reflect: | | | | consequences. Instead of having an affair, let your |
| - Remind yourself of why you got married in the | | | | spouse know why you are considering leaving |
| first place. You were looking for a companion, a | | | | your marriage. Yes, your partner will be angry, |
| lover, and a business partner. It was a tall order, | | | | but at least you will have a chance of ending your |
| but you felt your spouse could fill it. Life | | | | marriage with the dignity that you both deserve. |
| happened, however, and now you are | | | | |