| What do you mean when you say you want | | | | have good self-esteem, then chances are you will |
| more closeness or intimacy in your relationship? | | | | be more accepting if your partner doesn't quite |
| Many people use the word "intimacy" without | | | | understand you or agree with something you |
| really understanding what it means. Also, | | | | have shared. Ironically, in order to feel good |
| sometimes people mean they want more | | | | together, you need to feel okay apart. |
| emotional intimacy, sometimes more physical | | | | If you lose yourself in a relationship, you cannot |
| intimacy, and sometimes both. Intimacy is a | | | | maintain true intimacy. By "losing yourself," I mean |
| quality between two people that cannot be | | | | that you don't speak up and voice your thoughts. |
| touched, but people really feel it when it is missing. | | | | You don't initiate physical contact. You let your |
| Usually, when two people say they are intimate, | | | | partner dominate you, and follow his or her lead. |
| they are able to share things with one another, | | | | This keeps you safe, but it is not very satisfying. |
| verbally and physically, sometimes that they may | | | | If you are the one that dominates the |
| feel they can share with no one else. When they | | | | relationship, you may enjoy keeping your partner |
| do share themselves, they feel content and full. | | | | on a short leash, but you will never have the |
| When two people share their most private | | | | satisfaction of truly knowing your partner. Your |
| thoughts, feelings, and fantasies (like building a | | | | dominance may also breed resentment over time. |
| dream home) they are implying that they trust | | | | Before you know it, you may be holding a leash, |
| one another. Sometimes one partner has difficulty | | | | but your partner will be gone. |
| with trust. She or he may not like the feeling of | | | | You may feel you have no time to give to your |
| vulnerability that intimacy creates. A partner like | | | | relationship, but that would be a mistake. Even if |
| this may not be able to share very much, leaving | | | | you need to sit down with a calendar every |
| the other partner feeling empty and lonely. In a | | | | week and plan time to be together--either in or |
| marriage, partners need to be able to overcome | | | | out of the bedroom--you will find an eventual |
| fears about being hurt or ridiculed if they share | | | | payoff. If you want to experience feelings of joy, |
| their true selves. They need to be able to take a | | | | security, and love in your marriage or committed |
| risk and speak their minds, ask for what they | | | | relationship, intimacy requires your attention. Don't |
| want, or reveal private thoughts. | | | | wait for your partner. Take the initiative yourself |
| Being able to share yourself means that you need | | | | and start sharing who you really are. You may be |
| to have a strong sense of who you are. If you | | | | surprised at the result. |